In need of advice on how to talk to someone?

I have been with my husband for 7 years. We have two sons 4 and 1. We'll have our 1st anniversary on the 26th, and lived with each other for the last 3 1/2 years. I filed for a divorce in March, because I felt like I didn't know what else to do. We were having money problems and argueing a lot. Plus we are a blended family, with him having 2 other children from before me, and myself with 2 other children before. I love him dearly and he moved back in to reconsile. 2 months later he moved out again. I don't feel that a real try was ever really given. We are seperated once again, and going through with the divorce. I want to talk to him, but don't know how or what to say. I need help here. I do love him, and want to work things out. However, when we are around each other we just shut down and don't talk. I just want to know how to approach him with the topic, and really talk to him. I want him to know I love him, don't want a divorce, and want to work on things still. What should I doIn need of advice on how to talk to someone?
sorry to hear about your situation. i think that lack of communication is whats happening. your situation and mine are very similar. except i have a year old who is not biologically my husbands. we have a one year old together. we've been together for 4 years and have been married for 3. marriage has a lot of ups and downs and children and money seem to be the top two reasons why couples fight.





we have to remember though that money will always come and go and when there are troubles, lack of money, death, children not behaving...etc.etc....you have to stick together and be the team youre supposed to be. my husband and i lived on my welfare for 7 months before we was able to land a job...not even a good one. it was just a minimum wage paying job. we somehow were able to get throught he hard times and we never blamed one another for our situation. we saw it for what it was...we were broke...but we just kept one keeping one...





i'm not saying that love will pay the bills because it wont, but dont let that be one of the reasons why your marriage isnt working. perhaps some counseling is in order. my husband and i have never needed it, because through it all we have always been very clear about our feelings, whether good or bad...thats what has kept us going. i am more in love with my husband today than when we first got married...i know it sounds corny, but its true. i learn more and more about him everyday. and vice versa.





if you love your husband and truely want to work things out...then call him and tell him exaclty that...he might feel that the divorce is what YOU want since youre the one who filed for it in the beginning. ask him how he feels about you and just LISTEN. let him speak...then when he's completely finished...YOU tell him how YOU FEEL. nothing about what he does...only about your feelings. dont be accusatory...people automatically get defensive when they feel like they are being accused of something. let me know what happens. e-mail me. good luckIn need of advice on how to talk to someone?
First. Please don't have the deep idea that you want to be with him because you want your kids to have their daddy. This is actually the worst reason you can have. Kids can sense the conflict. They will then learn that a relationship MUST have conflict to succeed. If you separate, they will see the occaisional time that you two can get along and they will see that you need to be nice to eachother no matter what.


That out of the way...Communication is the MOST important part of a relationship. Without that, you can't be happy.


I was there...I know the feeling of being close but shut down when we get close. Squeeze out these words...no matter what we talk about, I still love you. Next, no matter what he says, talk about it like you would talk to your friend. If he wants to sleep with your sister...talk about it. The key to opening up conversation is not to get upset when something said causes pain. Most of the time, the nicest things are said incorrectly and thus, taken the wrong way.
I think that you both should seek out counselling for your marriage. And really learn to communicate and function as a family. If he won't go with you it still will help you if you go on your own. That will be able to help you to decide whether or not it is worth staying in the marriage especially since you have children together
you already have some pretty good answers from others. I like the one who says put it in writting....this way you have the time to pour your heart out. reach deep inside yourself an find the words you need to say to him. atleast this way you can say you tried. And you gave it all you had. when words are at such a loss when your togetherr , he may just find a way to communicate this way too. he may even answer your letter.
thats why you are in this situation, lack of communication.
If you never went to pre-marital counseling, it's not too late to go now, and see where you went wrong and how you can repair it.


Communication is probably a huge issue that you both need to work on, possibly anger and financial management.


I think if you said what you wrote (I want him to know I love him, don't want a divorce, and want to work on things still) and proposed counseling, he might be agreeable.
Get the divorce first. Then talk to him. If it was made to be it will ';be'; again. Divorce first. Do not remarry. This is the problem. You both have difficulty with commitment to each other. Maybe not the relationship but definately with each other.
Write your feelings down in a letter first. Tell him what you've said here. Write down any and everything else you want to say to him, then give it to him or mail it to him.





The ball will be in his court then; maybe that will open up a channel of conversation, and then you can take it from there. Good luck.
Put the above in writing and send it to him with a meeting place and time. What you want to say to him is exactly what you wrote above so just put into writing. He will get the idea and will either agree to meet you or not whereas then you have lost nothing but know where things stand and how to proceed. Then when you meet him, start with ';hello';, which is a really good starter. Then take things from there. If you cant talk to him, youll never work things out. Good luck
Perhaps you should seek counseling. The two of you are having problems communicating, and your needs are not met and neither is his. The best way to reconnect is to have an open dialogue, the two of you do need to talk. Don't be afraid, this is your marriage. Start by telling him how you feel and be honest about your fears. Maybe you can start by writing down everything, sort it out for yourself and then start from there.